Day 23 - Close. Close. Close.

This morning the doctor said that Chloe's doing well. The discharge from her incision is "minimal" and the gas patterns in her belly are "perfect." Her oxygen levels are fine and her blood pressure is good enough to discontinue her dopamine. She feels that the hole in Chloe's intestine is closing and plans to do an ink test on Monday to confirm it's closed and begin feedings on Tuesday. Of course, she said this all straight-faced and without an ounce of emotion. She's a doctor and can't react like a giddy schoolgirl - which is the way I feel upon hearing this report! Can it really be so? I look at Chloe and she looks good. Maybe even bigger than a week ago. Yes! It is so!

We had a couple of small setbacks today. They tried to move Chloe up from the oscillator to the regular respirator. That lasted two hours and she couldn't handle it so they changed her back. Then they weaned her off of dopamine but her blood pressure and urine output both went down so they put her back on a tiny bit of dopamine. My first reaction is to be nervous but I somehow turned away from those feelings today. It's almost like a physical thing. I'm calm. Chloe's good and I have faith and trust. Her job is to grow and be with us. I just know it.

I thought about Leila a lot today. I took her urn to the funeral home and they gave it back to me with her ashes. With Chloe's scare this week I realized I haven't cried for Leila in days. I felt guilty about that when I realized it. Could I be forgetting about her already? No, of course not. I'm thinking about her now and what she did for us during her short time on earth. She kept Chloe company for six short months and now she's watching over her from above. I think she brings me calmness and reminds me of how much I can love. My sweet gentle beautiful girl.

I'm thinking about Solana, too, and trying to make sure she isn't forgotten in all this. She and I spent about four hours at the hospital today (with a one hour lunch/ice cream break). My first attempt at a visit with Solana since my mom left. I purchased Bendarooz at Walgreens right before we went. A very well spent $20. She played with them the whole time we were there and was the most perfect 4 year-old hospital guest ever! The nurses were amazed and charmed but who can blame them? Chloe has some big shoes to fill. As much attention as she's already getting, though, I think she'll do just fine!

My girls are all amazing in their own way. They bring tears to my eyes just thinking about them. There couldn't be a luckier Mommy around.