Randomness

Chloe had a pretty good day. Her blood gasses are looking better. The doctor wants to start feeding her milk again tomorrow if her blood draws continue to look good. Great! I spent about five hours with her and it was a fairly uneventful day. We like those days.

Unfortunately, they decided to give her more blood to raise her red blood cell count and so they had to put a new IV in because they already took yesterday's IV line out. I'm sure this won't be her last IV but I was pretty upset that they had to put in a new one. I wish they had anticipated needing it again and left it in. It hurts me to get an IV so I imagine it hurts her, as well. I feel guilty and embarrassed to admit this but I looked away - couldn't even watch them put it in.

Chloe opened her eyes for the first time a few days ago but she's had a little mask over them ever since because she's been under the billi lights. They took off the lights yesterday and covered the isolette to keep her in a dark calm environment. As I peeked in today she opened her eyes A LOT. That was probably the coolest thing I've ever seen. I thoroughly enjoyed watching her little face - it felt like I was looking at her for the first time. She looks so beautiful! That is the feeling of pure joy.

I walked to the cafeteria to grab some lunch and on the way back into the maternity building I saw a new mother being wheeled outside by her husband - new baby in her lap. I knew I shouldn't watch but I found myself drawn to the scene. They looked so happy. It put a smile on my face and I just stopped and watched - drawn like a moth to a flame. My mind raced. "What are you doing? You shouldn't watch this. But I'm not upset. They look so happy and sweet. What's wrong with watching?" Then it happened. My face cracked and I was suddenly race-walking (in my post C-section way) to the elevators to hide my face. I knew it would happen. I don't know why I torture myself. Stupid stupid stupid.

Dave picked me up from the hospital and we drove to the new house to pay the painter. He's completely finished now and the house looks fantastic! We really bought a fantastic house! I love it can't wait to move and be settled in it!

We attended a parent's meeting at our church, where Solana will begin Pre-K on Wednesday. On the way there I saw an airplane flying overhead. Dave has pointed out and told me about these planes that are based out of Wright Patterson AFB nearby. They're enormous! C-5's or something like that. They're so big, in fact, that it looks like they're barely moving across the sky and might fall out of the sky at any moment. For some reason, watching this plane move very very slowly across the horizon made me think about the fact that life goes on for the rest of the world. We're in this weird little holding pattern waiting for Chloe to get out of the hospital and it almost seems like it's not real life - like we're living some weird dream sequence that just isn't ending... But it is real life. It's our real life and I need to own it.

I LOVE Solana's school. She's going to be a St. Albert the Great "Stag" (get it?) Her teacher is awesome and I can't wait to get involved. I signed up to make play-doh for the class and Dave already wants to volunteer for the Christmas tree sale. We purchased a home in Centerville because of the great schools but Dave jokes that we might not use them because I love St. Albert so much. LOL! I guess we'll see!

Two packages arrived today. Is it possible for something to be ironic and appropriate at the same time? The first package was filled with super cute Hershey's candy bars called "HERESHEIS" bars. They're like little birth announcements and have all of Chloe's birth information on them. Just adorable! The second package was Leila's urn. It's so small and has an Italian Renaissance-style angel with huge wings embracing the urn. I think it's absolutely beautiful and I love the thought of angels embracing and caring for my Leila in heaven.