Bad Day

Chloe had her first bad day today. We had been spoiled. Everything seemed to be going right for her first nine days. I was becoming complacent and getting too used good news.

As soon as I walked into Chloe's room I knew something was wrong. There was a second respirator running and she had additional lines running into her little body. The nurse practitioner saw me arrive and followed me into the room. She began to explain everything that was happening and I had to work really hard to maintain enough composure to listen. The tears were already flowing.

Here's a summary of her first bad day:

- Her CO2 level was too high. Thus, the second (Jet) Respirator to help her get rid of some CO2
- Her blood was acidic. This happens with CO2 levels are too high.
- Her O2 level was too low. They raised the O2 level on her respirators to around 59% in order to keep the O2 in her body high enough. (Ideally, she would be at 21% - breathing the same air as us.)
- She stopped digesting milk so they stopped her feedings and put her back on an IV drip.
- Her white blood cells were high. They think she may have an infection.
- Her red blood cells are low. She had a new IV in her foot to give her some extra blood.

It's overwhelming to hear all these bad things at once but the nurses didn't seem too concerned. They are treating everything and the doctor said that these problems, while they hope not to see them, are common with babies as premature as Chloe. I couldn't help but think - she could die from an infection...

They do several blood draws a day and I got to put my hands over Chloe's head and legs to try and comfort her during one such draw. They have to poke her heel to make it bleed and she was pretty upset about the procedure. She has no voice because of the tubes down her throat but I could see her crying. It was that baby cry/scream where their face turns red. So painful to watch. Tears were pouring down my face as I tried to remain calm enough to support her. It really sucks to watch your baby get poked all day long.

I think I spent about 7 hours in her room today. This is emotionally and physically exhausting. Now I know why everyone keeps telling me the NICU is a hard hard place to be.