Today was one giant bag full of mixed emotions for me.
Chloe went down for her eye exam under anesthesia this morning. Same drill as last week. They rolled her down to the OR. Surgeon came out to tell me he'd take a look and then return to tell me his findings before proceeding with any surgery. He went in. After 10-15 minutes he returned to tell me that Chloe does not need surgery today. The blood in her left is has pretty much cleared away and neither retina has detached. We can go home. Yeah! Then he starts talking about about some pigment discoloration he found and Chloe's future vision impairments. We can't know for another few years what her vision impairment will be so I will choose not to worry about that right now. There's nothing we can do about it, anyway. Chloe is still at risk for retinal detachment for another 11 weeks so she'll get weekly eye exams. Fortunately, those can take place at home.
Last week the anesthesiologist also spoke to us before Chloe's eye exam. That didn't happen this week but I wasn't too concerned since she was undergoing the same procedure. They would just give her some gas to calm her. They wouldn't put her under or intubate her unless they decided to do surgery.
So how surprised was I to arrive upstairs at the NICU to find Chloe intubated and breathing on a ventillator after her 15 minute eye exam? Very. In fact, I was pretty horrified and scared. I started having flashbacks to her oh-so-recent life on the ventillator and the tears started flowing. I ask the nurse the obvious, "They intubated her? I thought they were just giving her gas." The nurse saw my obvious distress and kindly explained that they gave Chloe the same stuff that Michael Jackson took. You know, the stuff that killed him? People have varied reactions to it so that's why anesthesiologists have to be on hand to monitor the situation. Chloe Brady'd and Desatted so they had to intubate her. "Oh." Poor lady. I'm pretty sure she was actually trying to comfort me. (I laugh now.)
She assured me that she'd take Chloe off the vent soon. Like, as soon as she wakes up. Great! I'm thinking that's within the next hour. This is 8:30am. I then proceeded to stand and/or sit staring at Chloe for the next 5 hours (with one 30 min. break to pump) before I finally had to go get my first meal of the day. I came back, pumped again, and they finally extubated her at 3:30. Oh my gosh that felt like forever! Apparently, Chloe has a very strong reaction to anesthesia. During this time I managed to complain to a couple of people.
An hour or so after she's extubated I'm pretty much over the whole thing. Chloe is in my arms breathing like a champ and finally getting some milk. My world is at peace once again. That's when the surgeon comes in because they told him I was upset. I was glad to have the opportunity to talk to him - even if it was after I'd calmed down and had Chloe in my arms. At least I was heard (even if he didn't "hear" me). He's the big cheese and actually feel lucky that a world renowned surgeon looked at Chloe's eyes. Then the charge nurse gave me $15 in gift shop coupons because she felt bad. That was totally unnecessary but I didn't turn them down :-)
I chatted with the super nice lactation nurse about nippling and am getting excited about starting that. And ended the evening holding Chloe for another two hours. We're both so spoiled now! I finally said "goodbye" to Chloe's night nurse who she had for (count 'em) 6 nights straight! Yes, that's on 12 hour shifts. What a freak streak of luck we had on that one! We've NEVER had the same nurse for 6 straight days! And, on top of that, I liked her a lot. We're in a strange hospital. We don't know anyone. It was such a comfort to have the same nurse (and a good one at that) watching over her for almost a week straight.
Now I'm off to bed in my little apartment. This week went well, I think. No bad taste left in my mouth from this place. But Michigan oh Michigan. I will miss thee not.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Day 98 - OR tomorrow
Chloe heads down to the OR tomorrow (Monday) morning at 7:30am ET. They'll stop her feedings at 1:30am this morning so she'll be really hungry and grumpy by the time they get her down there. They'll give her an IV and fluids. Hopefully, that'll help her feel a little more comfortable but I'm sure not enough - poor baby.
Please pray for her. We want them to see improvement on her eyes. Maybe they'll send us home (back to Dayton Children's, that is)...
Please pray for her. We want them to see improvement on her eyes. Maybe they'll send us home (back to Dayton Children's, that is)...
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Thanksgiving Pictures
Chillaxin'. This picture was actually taken Monday or Tuesday, before they put her back into an isolette.
At the parade. We were pretty bundled up. It's COLD in Detroit!
Cheryl Burke from DWTS.
Evan from SYTYCD Season 5. He was totally waving to me.
Dave, My Dad, and Solana are waving to Santa at the end of the parade. We actually started heading back early so we caught him while his float was still parked and getting ready to go.
Our classy Thanksgiving table settings. Yes, that's wine in my tumbler. :-)
Showing of my uber-cheesy smile-for-the-camera skills...
I learned it from my dad! :-D
Ready to eat!
Chloe likes to be swaddled.
She's supposed to be laying on the little pillow in the foreground (with the colorful hearts) but insists on rolling off of it. Her nurse rolled up that diaper to act like a bumper but it didn't work. Chloe makes herself comfortable.
Chloe cracked us up immediately after kangaroo care tonight. Her nurse and I worked really hard to get her back into her isolette without disturbing her. Based on the amount of drool I think we succeeded!
Day 97 - Doing Well at Beaumont
Chloe had a pretty quiet day today. I spoke to the neonatologists during rounds last night because it seemed like she was getting hungry right before her feedings. Maybe she needs more food? They must have agreed with me because they increased her feedings just a bit. I really think it helped. She wasn't nearly as fussy today as yesterday. She really is becoming a big girl, though. She needs her food to feed her big growing body. Guess how big she is.
3 pounds 10 ounces! Haha! She seems to be having a growth spurt this week! And I think it's especially shocking because she was weaned (pretty dramatically, I think) on her canula support.
Speaking of canula support...I think I mentioned that I've been a bit worried about her breathing over the past couple of days. It appears as though she's working harder. The neonatologist last night seemed comfortable with her effort. (And although he seemed slightly pompass to me, Chloe's nurse says he's her favorite. I really like her nurse so that gives him some street cred.) He also pointed out that 40% O2 setting on a 1.5 liter canula (what she's on now) is actually LESS O2 support than she was needing on her high flow! (It's a bit counterintuitive since her O2 was set at 25-30% but if you think about it - the "high flow" is giving her more air, thus, more O2). She actually looked a little more comfortable today than she did yesterday, too, so I hope she's just getting stronger.
So far I've held Chloe for 4 hours a day two days in a row! It's heaven! Two hours bundled up and two hours kangaroo. She had a hard time during kanga care last night. I think she was tired. Her oxengen setting was way up. But she did great tonight!
I took a dinner break around 4pm and went for a jog around the hospital. I figured 10 hours a day at Chloe's bedside isn't doing any favors to my rear end. I STILL can't fit into my regular pants! Bad, I know. Maybe I need to set a goal for myself and announce it to all my blog friends. So here I go. I will fit into my skinny jeans by the time Chloe comes home. It'll be like my pre-New Year's resolution! So back to my jog. Picture this. Michigan in November. It's cold. Me in black stretch pants, T-shirt, black ski cap, and sunglasses. I'm feeling really cool - like a real runner! It's 4pm so the sun is on its way down and I'm casting a shadow. I look over and see my jogging shadow. Is that me?!? My gait looks like an old lady speed walking! Not feeling so cool anymore! ;-) But at least I try, right? Hehe.
3 pounds 10 ounces! Haha! She seems to be having a growth spurt this week! And I think it's especially shocking because she was weaned (pretty dramatically, I think) on her canula support.
Speaking of canula support...I think I mentioned that I've been a bit worried about her breathing over the past couple of days. It appears as though she's working harder. The neonatologist last night seemed comfortable with her effort. (And although he seemed slightly pompass to me, Chloe's nurse says he's her favorite. I really like her nurse so that gives him some street cred.) He also pointed out that 40% O2 setting on a 1.5 liter canula (what she's on now) is actually LESS O2 support than she was needing on her high flow! (It's a bit counterintuitive since her O2 was set at 25-30% but if you think about it - the "high flow" is giving her more air, thus, more O2). She actually looked a little more comfortable today than she did yesterday, too, so I hope she's just getting stronger.
So far I've held Chloe for 4 hours a day two days in a row! It's heaven! Two hours bundled up and two hours kangaroo. She had a hard time during kanga care last night. I think she was tired. Her oxengen setting was way up. But she did great tonight!
I took a dinner break around 4pm and went for a jog around the hospital. I figured 10 hours a day at Chloe's bedside isn't doing any favors to my rear end. I STILL can't fit into my regular pants! Bad, I know. Maybe I need to set a goal for myself and announce it to all my blog friends. So here I go. I will fit into my skinny jeans by the time Chloe comes home. It'll be like my pre-New Year's resolution! So back to my jog. Picture this. Michigan in November. It's cold. Me in black stretch pants, T-shirt, black ski cap, and sunglasses. I'm feeling really cool - like a real runner! It's 4pm so the sun is on its way down and I'm casting a shadow. I look over and see my jogging shadow. Is that me?!? My gait looks like an old lady speed walking! Not feeling so cool anymore! ;-) But at least I try, right? Hehe.
Hospital Differences
Chloe is currently at her third (and hopefully last) new hospital. I have been amazed to learn how controversial the science of neonatology is! The philosophies from one hospital to another, I believe, are basically the same but many of the practical things are quite different. It takes some getting used to. Here are just a few differences I've noted between Dayton and Beaumont:
D: Snoodles are given to the parents to wear inside their shirt. Once they smell like us we can put them in the bed to comfort the babies. (Note: I have not worn perfume since before Chloe was born.)
B: Plush "dolls" are not allowed inside the bed because they might have germs.
D: Chloe spends a lot of time on her belly because she breathes better that way. The nurses make sure to rotate her, though, to give her a nice shaped head.
B: All babies of 32week gestation go-on-their-backs! No exceptions! (Except for Chloe because she's not from around these parts...) The thought is that the babies need to sleep on their backs when they get home so let's get them used to it now (while they're being monitored.)
D: I heard a lot more reference to Chloe's weight as her milestone guideline. For example, she can wear clothes and begin weaning from her isolette when she's 1800grams.
B: They put her in clothes and started weaning her from her isolette immediately upon arrival because she's "old."
D: Chloe is treated like a fragile micro-premie. The nurses do most of her handling and care (with exception of the ocasional diaper change/temperature getting by me).
B: Chloe is already 38 weeks? She's a "big girl." Mommy (that's me) is strongly encouraged to do stuff for her like: dress her, diapers, temperature, suction her mouth, weigh her (unassisted), take her out of and put her back alone, etc. And I could see Chloe's nurse laughing at me (on the inside) when I put up her "Bone Fracture Risk" sign on her isolette. She didn't say anything, though, so I'm thankful that she humors me.
D: Chloe's isolette was always covered so she slept in a dark quiet environment.
B: The lights are always bright and we can't cover her isolette (for safety - they can get a visual of her more quickly).
D: The panic alarm on her monitor seemed to be set at more extreme levels. It would only go off if she was really bad off. If the panic alarm went off nurses would come running (literally) from all directions.
B: The panic alarm goes off much more quickly (for less drastic reasons) and, consequently, the nurses don't come running.
D: We're all in one big room. There are probably about 20 babies and 10 nurses buzzing around at all times.
B: We're in a pod. There are only six babies and two nurses (unless one goes to lunch and then there's one).
D: Chloe was on the high flow canula.
B: They don't believe in the high flow because they can't tell the exact pressure she's getting from it. (This is probably the main philosophical difference I've observed.)
There are some things I prefer at each hospital. For example, the forcing of Mommy (ie. me) to do more for Chloe is really empowering. I feel more like an actual Mommy and less like an observer. Of course, it may just be the forceful (in a good way) nature of the nurses we got. Our Dayton nurses are way too nice so they may have just been unwittingly enabling me and my paranoid fearful self. And I love that I can cradle her in my arms and stare at her face for hours on end. The part about the panic alarm freaks me out, though. I know that she's just fine but it still freaks me out. Anyway, there's no particular reason for this post. These are just some interesting observations I thought I'd share...
D: Snoodles are given to the parents to wear inside their shirt. Once they smell like us we can put them in the bed to comfort the babies. (Note: I have not worn perfume since before Chloe was born.)
B: Plush "dolls" are not allowed inside the bed because they might have germs.
D: Chloe spends a lot of time on her belly because she breathes better that way. The nurses make sure to rotate her, though, to give her a nice shaped head.
B: All babies of 32week gestation go-on-their-backs! No exceptions! (Except for Chloe because she's not from around these parts...) The thought is that the babies need to sleep on their backs when they get home so let's get them used to it now (while they're being monitored.)
D: I heard a lot more reference to Chloe's weight as her milestone guideline. For example, she can wear clothes and begin weaning from her isolette when she's 1800grams.
B: They put her in clothes and started weaning her from her isolette immediately upon arrival because she's "old."
D: Chloe is treated like a fragile micro-premie. The nurses do most of her handling and care (with exception of the ocasional diaper change/temperature getting by me).
B: Chloe is already 38 weeks? She's a "big girl." Mommy (that's me) is strongly encouraged to do stuff for her like: dress her, diapers, temperature, suction her mouth, weigh her (unassisted), take her out of and put her back alone, etc. And I could see Chloe's nurse laughing at me (on the inside) when I put up her "Bone Fracture Risk" sign on her isolette. She didn't say anything, though, so I'm thankful that she humors me.
D: Chloe's isolette was always covered so she slept in a dark quiet environment.
B: The lights are always bright and we can't cover her isolette (for safety - they can get a visual of her more quickly).
D: The panic alarm on her monitor seemed to be set at more extreme levels. It would only go off if she was really bad off. If the panic alarm went off nurses would come running (literally) from all directions.
B: The panic alarm goes off much more quickly (for less drastic reasons) and, consequently, the nurses don't come running.
D: We're all in one big room. There are probably about 20 babies and 10 nurses buzzing around at all times.
B: We're in a pod. There are only six babies and two nurses (unless one goes to lunch and then there's one).
D: Chloe was on the high flow canula.
B: They don't believe in the high flow because they can't tell the exact pressure she's getting from it. (This is probably the main philosophical difference I've observed.)
There are some things I prefer at each hospital. For example, the forcing of Mommy (ie. me) to do more for Chloe is really empowering. I feel more like an actual Mommy and less like an observer. Of course, it may just be the forceful (in a good way) nature of the nurses we got. Our Dayton nurses are way too nice so they may have just been unwittingly enabling me and my paranoid fearful self. And I love that I can cradle her in my arms and stare at her face for hours on end. The part about the panic alarm freaks me out, though. I know that she's just fine but it still freaks me out. Anyway, there's no particular reason for this post. These are just some interesting observations I thought I'd share...
Friday, November 27, 2009
Day 96 - Thanksgiving Update
So much has happened the last few days I'm not sure I know where to start! I imagine that I should be writing a post declaring all the things I'm grateful for but I'm not going to. I did a bit of that at Thanksgiving dinner and started crying so I think my heartfelt Thanksgiving speech is already out of my system. Fortunately, for everyone else, only my parents, Dave, and Solana had to endure it ;-)
I think I'll just give the usual update. Tuesday through today (Friday) have been fairly uneventful. Chloe's been doing pretty well on her 1.5liter canula. She was working harder to breathe last night so they did a blood gas (this is a test that has been done on her at least a hundred times and involves a heel prick so they can get a small amount of blood to test levels of gasses [like CO2] in her blood) and a chest x-ray. They had talked about putting her back on CPAP but decided to just keep an eye on her. She's still working a bit harder today than she was before last night but not enough for them to make any changes, yet. Praying that her breathing gets easier for her...
Chloe has a big belly. It always looks like a poochy puppy belly and we've been keeping a close eye on it since her little event on Monday. Dave and I keep asking for poop reports when we're not at her bedside and all the nurses know that we worry about her her digestion. I discovered that Chloe has her own personal baby-style sense of humor about this, which makes me really happy. Twice, we've gone to change her diaper and it's turned into a four diaper extravaganza! Each time we pull the dirty one away she immediately dirties up the new one! Fortunately for me, I make sure to have a new diaper under the dirty one before pulling the dirty one away. If not, I'd have had to change a lot of linens lately! And the whole time Chloe seems as pleased as can be, like she's saying, "You wanted poop Mommy. Here it is!"
Chloe's eyes are still doing well. She's had two bedside examinations since Monday and they tell us that her eyes look, "not too bad." There's still a little blood but definitely less. We want the blood to go away because it can supposedly feed scar tissue and scar tissue pulls at the retina. Both retinas are still attached, though, and that's great! She's still scheduled for her exam under anesthesia in the OR. Monday is our big day. Oh, and I learned today that we're not in the clear from retinal detachment until 10 weeks after her due date - that means 12 more weeks of regular eye exams before we can really breathe a sigh of relief. Poor baby. Those eye exams are brutal.
I also learned that Chloe has had one and possibly two rib fractures in her life. I don't think I knew that but the nurse practitioner pointed it/them out to me last night on her x-rays. We had a whole conversation about how thin Chloe's bones are and how that is really common for micro-premies. (It was really kind of scary to see the thin whispy white lines, that are her ribs, on the x-ray.) I honestly can't remember if I knew about her old rib fracture. Suddenly, it occurs to me that never in my life could I have anticipated a time when my child would be so sick that a rib fracture would be a minor thing that I quickly filed away and forgot about. How crazy my frame of reference has become... Soon enough this will all be a memory and Chloe will be home with us. And I'll be so consumed with her new antics that I'll have to consult my nifty thrifty journal to remember everything from her NICU days...
That's about it for Chloe's update.
My parents and Solana drove up here from Dayton on Wednesday and my mom got to hold Chloe again. She loved it and was terrified at the same time. Chloe kept gagging on her feeding tube and spitting up bits of milk while he held her so I'm sure that didn't help her nerves. I was pumping and my dad fell asleep in his chair, tired after driving from Dayton. My poor mom. She survived, though, and was happy that Chloe kept smiling at her. Chloe LOVES when we baby talk and sing to her. My mom's good at that.
We got up early Thursday morning and attended the America's Thanks giving Day parade in Detroit. (We'll likely never be in Detroit for another Thanksgiving so we decided to check it out.) Solana wasn't sure about it at first but then got into it when they started throwing candy from the floats. It was lots of fun but COLD! After the parade we split up. My mom and I were dropped off at the hospital while Dave, my Dad, and Solana checked out of their hotel and picked up our food from Kroger. We ordered a fancy schmancy "Fully Cooked" Thanksgiving feast from Kroger. We scheduled our pickup for noon and timed it just perfectly so that Dave could pick up the food right at noon. After getting the food he swung by the hospital to pick us up. We were huuungry! But as we got in the car I noticed there wasn't a food smell... Dave pointed out that the food was in the back. Hmmm. Ok. We got home and opened our big box to find our fully cooked meal to be a fully...REFRIGERATED meal! What?!? The turkey was wrapped up like they are when they're raw and had to be baked for two hours! Seriously, though, how lame is that? We all thought it would be hot from the deli. It was all pre-packaged stuff. We could have just bought all that stuff off the shelves. Oh well. We pigged out on pistachios while we waited and my mom and I ran back to the store for green bean casserole ingredients since there were no veggies in the meal. Fortunately, we were in the apartment so we actually had a kitchen and utensils, cookware, etc. In the end we had a really nice Thanksgiving dinner, all things considered. Certainly not the Thanksgiving we intended but we were together and that made it good.
They all left back to Dayton a few hours later. Chloe and I are on our own in Michigan. We snuggled for a few hours last night and again today. She's going to be so spoiled after this week! In fact, I'm about to get my clothes out of the dryer and head back to the hospital for another snuggle with my girl.
Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving weekend!
I think I'll just give the usual update. Tuesday through today (Friday) have been fairly uneventful. Chloe's been doing pretty well on her 1.5liter canula. She was working harder to breathe last night so they did a blood gas (this is a test that has been done on her at least a hundred times and involves a heel prick so they can get a small amount of blood to test levels of gasses [like CO2] in her blood) and a chest x-ray. They had talked about putting her back on CPAP but decided to just keep an eye on her. She's still working a bit harder today than she was before last night but not enough for them to make any changes, yet. Praying that her breathing gets easier for her...
Chloe has a big belly. It always looks like a poochy puppy belly and we've been keeping a close eye on it since her little event on Monday. Dave and I keep asking for poop reports when we're not at her bedside and all the nurses know that we worry about her her digestion. I discovered that Chloe has her own personal baby-style sense of humor about this, which makes me really happy. Twice, we've gone to change her diaper and it's turned into a four diaper extravaganza! Each time we pull the dirty one away she immediately dirties up the new one! Fortunately for me, I make sure to have a new diaper under the dirty one before pulling the dirty one away. If not, I'd have had to change a lot of linens lately! And the whole time Chloe seems as pleased as can be, like she's saying, "You wanted poop Mommy. Here it is!"
Chloe's eyes are still doing well. She's had two bedside examinations since Monday and they tell us that her eyes look, "not too bad." There's still a little blood but definitely less. We want the blood to go away because it can supposedly feed scar tissue and scar tissue pulls at the retina. Both retinas are still attached, though, and that's great! She's still scheduled for her exam under anesthesia in the OR. Monday is our big day. Oh, and I learned today that we're not in the clear from retinal detachment until 10 weeks after her due date - that means 12 more weeks of regular eye exams before we can really breathe a sigh of relief. Poor baby. Those eye exams are brutal.
I also learned that Chloe has had one and possibly two rib fractures in her life. I don't think I knew that but the nurse practitioner pointed it/them out to me last night on her x-rays. We had a whole conversation about how thin Chloe's bones are and how that is really common for micro-premies. (It was really kind of scary to see the thin whispy white lines, that are her ribs, on the x-ray.) I honestly can't remember if I knew about her old rib fracture. Suddenly, it occurs to me that never in my life could I have anticipated a time when my child would be so sick that a rib fracture would be a minor thing that I quickly filed away and forgot about. How crazy my frame of reference has become... Soon enough this will all be a memory and Chloe will be home with us. And I'll be so consumed with her new antics that I'll have to consult my nifty thrifty journal to remember everything from her NICU days...
That's about it for Chloe's update.
My parents and Solana drove up here from Dayton on Wednesday and my mom got to hold Chloe again. She loved it and was terrified at the same time. Chloe kept gagging on her feeding tube and spitting up bits of milk while he held her so I'm sure that didn't help her nerves. I was pumping and my dad fell asleep in his chair, tired after driving from Dayton. My poor mom. She survived, though, and was happy that Chloe kept smiling at her. Chloe LOVES when we baby talk and sing to her. My mom's good at that.
We got up early Thursday morning and attended the America's Thanks giving Day parade in Detroit. (We'll likely never be in Detroit for another Thanksgiving so we decided to check it out.) Solana wasn't sure about it at first but then got into it when they started throwing candy from the floats. It was lots of fun but COLD! After the parade we split up. My mom and I were dropped off at the hospital while Dave, my Dad, and Solana checked out of their hotel and picked up our food from Kroger. We ordered a fancy schmancy "Fully Cooked" Thanksgiving feast from Kroger. We scheduled our pickup for noon and timed it just perfectly so that Dave could pick up the food right at noon. After getting the food he swung by the hospital to pick us up. We were huuungry! But as we got in the car I noticed there wasn't a food smell... Dave pointed out that the food was in the back. Hmmm. Ok. We got home and opened our big box to find our fully cooked meal to be a fully...REFRIGERATED meal! What?!? The turkey was wrapped up like they are when they're raw and had to be baked for two hours! Seriously, though, how lame is that? We all thought it would be hot from the deli. It was all pre-packaged stuff. We could have just bought all that stuff off the shelves. Oh well. We pigged out on pistachios while we waited and my mom and I ran back to the store for green bean casserole ingredients since there were no veggies in the meal. Fortunately, we were in the apartment so we actually had a kitchen and utensils, cookware, etc. In the end we had a really nice Thanksgiving dinner, all things considered. Certainly not the Thanksgiving we intended but we were together and that made it good.
They all left back to Dayton a few hours later. Chloe and I are on our own in Michigan. We snuggled for a few hours last night and again today. She's going to be so spoiled after this week! In fact, I'm about to get my clothes out of the dryer and head back to the hospital for another snuggle with my girl.
Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving weekend!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Michigan Pictures
Chloe with her CPAP.
Her new diggs. The bed is heated because she still needs help maintaining her temperature.
Getting ready to head down to surgery.
We raced to the hospital because they wanted to get her down to surgery earlier than originally planned and then we ended up standing around waiting for the surgeons to call us down. This photograph is my attempt at creativity while we waited. Don't laugh. I'm actually proud of myself! :-)
Chloe burrito.
I love burritos...
Girl Talk.
Notice the absence of her CPAP. Yes!
Wooing Daddy and simultaneously throwing her first Hook'Em.
I think Dave was a little nervous because he couldn't see the monitor from his seat.
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